Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Real Talk: Marriage

I think it's important to be honest and I've been thinking a lot about marriage and how things change once you've tied the knot so onto some real talk! While wedding planning, it's really hard to look past the wedding day because you're so stressed out and multi-tasking like crazy just to get everything organized and ready for the big day. At least, that's how it was for me. You might not have a chance to step back and really think about what you're doing. Even though Tomislav and I lived together before we were married and were totally committed to one another long before (mega long distance relationship built on trust and knowing we were perfect for each other - check!...And oh yeah, then moving across the world to be with each other? Yup, that's commitment). But still. After you get hitched, it's different. And I hate when people say that it's not because it totally is. You are legally bound to your spouse forever! And that is a huge concept to deal with. Huge! As much as you love and adore your partner, it's enormous pressure and you don't know how to act in certain situations, you think of things totally differently because it's not just you anymore. You're legally bound to your husband or wife and their family, for life! And there are so many compromises ahead of you and so much to consider. 

Just like people read tons of baby books before having a baby, I think it's a good idea to read books about the first year of marriage prior to getting married (although I know this is impossible, because there are 50 billion other things to do before the big day). But once you're married and you've settled into that comfy groove of happy and cozy nights in, it's so easy to quickly forget to still date one another. I know people talk about this all the time, but it is true! Tomislav and I have been reminding ourselves of this lately but throughout our long distance relationship, we longed for the day when we would finally be together, be able to sit on the couch and sigh, knowing we wouldn't have to say good bye again. And that is an amazing feeling, to know we don't ever have to be apart again. But now that we are together all the time, we can't forget to continue going out with each other! Even if it's going for a walk around the neighborhood, reading in the park, going out for a coffee or a drink together - it's important to take each other out! We've only been married for about 3 months but I knew things would change once we got married and they definitely did, but mostly for the better. You can take comfort in the fact that no matter what changes in your life, your partner in crime and best friend, will be there with you for life to go through everything with you.

A while ago, my Dad showed us this movie called Fireproof which is basically about a marriage on the outs and figuring out how to save it, no matter how difficult it can be. Caleb's (the main character) father challenges him to do this 40 day experiment to revive his marriage and even though Caleb is totally skeptical, especially once he realizes the 40 day challenge is tied into his parents' new found faith, he nearly gives up. But he continues through and learns about unconditional love, exploring the blessings and challenges of marriage, clean fighting, and choosing love even when it isn't your instinctive response. You can buy the book that was featured in the movie, it's called The Love Dare and I think it's an incredible book for any married couple, from happy newlyweds to people married for many years who may have lost some of that inital spark. It's a great gift to give to someone to a couple you know and an interesting challenge for you to take. It's a 40 day challenge that you do with your spouse and the outcome can only be for the better. If you haven't heard of The Love Dare before, I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone and it's only like $8 so it's a total steal (especially for all of the advice and knowledge you'll receive from it!). The biggest piece of advice that we got before marriage from friends and family (which everyone must know) is "Happy Wife, Happy Life" and I think that's totally true too. ;)


  1. This is such a good post!
    And excuse me, but where was your last post when I had my breakdown in Germany because of the lack of sausage, egg, and cheese mcmuffins?!?!?

    Haha, kidding.

    Anyway, amen and amen about things changing after you get married - it's inevitable. Hope you have a good week!

  2. Hi Nikki,
    I just saw your House Hunters Intl episode (re-run) here in NJ, found your blog, and now this post... all were pleasant surprises!
    Thank you for sharing your stories, and exposing me to the Love Dare book. I am getting it tomorrow and looking forward to it.

    Keep up the great work and blogging from Cro!



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